People act like self-care is all bubble baths and $60 crystals, but honestly? Sometimes it’s just choosing not to scream into a void because your email has 943 unread messages. Here’s what actually helps:

1. Drinking Water Like You’re Not Made of 80% Cold Brew
Turns out, being hydrated reduces headaches, mood swings, and that feral feeling where you want to bite someone for breathing too loud. Who knew?

2. Saying “No” Without Following It Up With a Nervous Monologue
“No” is a complete sentence. Not “No, unless you really need me,” or “No, I’m just the worst, I’m so sorry, I’ll bake you cookies?” Just… no. Say it. Practice it. Love it.

3. Doing One Thing Each Day That Makes You Feel Slightly More Human
Not superhuman. Just regular human. Like brushing your hair. Or putting on real pants. Or lying on the floor and listening to whale sounds. You do you.

4. Scheduling Worry Time Like It’s a Dentist Appointment
You’re going to spiral. That’s fine. Just don’t do it all day. Give anxiety a time slot, let it scream into a mental pillow for 10 minutes, and then go eat a snack.

5. Speaking to Yourself Like You’d Speak to a Sad Baby Sloth
You wouldn’t tell a baby sloth it’s a failure for not doing yoga at 6 a.m., right? Be kind. Be weirdly gentle. You’re doing your best. And baby sloths don’t even know what taxes are, so you’re already ahead.

The Bottom Line:
Self-care isn’t always pretty. Sometimes it’s gritty. Sometimes it’s “I brushed my teeth today and didn’t throw my phone at the wall.” That still counts. That massively counts.